I wOnDeR...

I wonder what e future holds..
Will i b a better person? I hope tt through e guidance of God he'll help me n guide me along.. cos these days i'm havin bad thoughts.. How i wish i can juz peel off my bad points n b a better person-some1 who's more carin, more easier 2 get along wif, more jokin person etc.. I noe it's nt easy.. I've 2 go thru somethings b4 i can achieve tt.. We'll c.. I'm hopin nxt yr onwards e environment will force me 2 achieve this.
Will i grow old alone? Seriously, e ans nw is yes..
Will i hav a gd relationship wif my friends n family? Hmmmm... How i wish i can always say what's on my mind whenever i'm wif friends.. Certainly e closer ones can but.. Hmmm.. How 2 break away from e strict upbringing w/o constant quarrelling? U noe.. I'm asked 2 reach hm by 10 but 9 out of 10 times i can't do it.. so when i reach hm of cuz they'll say me la.. den i'll argue back n will say things like:" u can't control me 4 e rest of my life" etc..

I wonder if i'll be able 2 live 2 my predestined last day..?
Recently i checked e web abt depression n i noticed i've all e symptoms.. If i were 2 tell my parents, they'll surely go:" pls la, dun b so drama, so small thing only".. but i checked wif myself.. most of e time it's either i've no emotions or feelin down.. I think mayb it's cos of low self-esteem?
I feel tt i dun make a difference in ppl's life.. What's e diff wif 1 less person?
I feel i'm a hinderance 2 my sis's future cos i'll use up my parent's money n if she wants 2 go overseas 2 like me, she can't..
I dun think suicide is foolish.. @ least it's e only thing which i can decide 4 myself nw.. but of cuz i'll nt do it; so dun worry friends.. these r juz my thoughts..

It is a fact tt ppl treat their family members worse den their friends or colleagues. Cos 2 me, family members r e closest 2 me n so how they nt noe my character n still do things which i dun like or provoke me? 2 me it's like tt.. I wouldn't think of treatin my friends badly cos they're ard e same age as me n they understand what i'm sayin, u noe what i mean?

Yesterday my mum scolded me bcos a very small thing.. I think our horoscope dun match n hence even a simple qn asked will explode into a big fuss.. She asked me how did i find this NHG job.. I replied tt i searched it thru e NHG website but den i added tt i was lucky 2 find e job so fast n tt internet would nt b a gd option as i feel e chances would b lower so it would b better 2 use other means like newpaper or calling.. @ first she dun understand y i added abt other means n we argued.. den she lead it 2 me talkin rudely 2 her..Hello!!! if u were 2 explain so many times 2 some1 abt e same thing, any1 would b fedup! N den she said tt it's bcos she thinks i think i'm gettin proud n think i'm clever.. n den dun noe how she mentioned tt what'll happen if she sent me overseas? Will i b 2 proud when i come hm? All these stupid nonsense leadin from 1 to another.. Tt's what i hate..

Nvm, juz preservere




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